Looking back on the years spent working with such brilliant people on such an ambitious task, it's hard to believe it ended the way it did. Despite my success, despite the love of my family, despite taking the loss of such a personal project in stride, despite the sympathy of friends, I am afraid.
I am not afraid of my former employers coming after me. Even in this journal I detail nothing that can be confirmed or traced back to them. It would be a waste to "hunt me down" or take legal action and would only serve to validate my claims.
I do not fear death. I do not fear pain.
What I do fear is the accumulation of the things I still do not know. I fear the significance of this project and the hallucinations that follow me. I fear paranoia itself. I fear the idea of no one else ever seeing this video. This is simply a burden I do not want to carry on my own. I want others to analyze this and ask themselves questions. I want others to perhaps figure out the riddle of the figure who stands so defiantly in the subconscious. If this question is ignored or unanswered, everything will be for waste.
I appreciate having glimpsed something like this. Many of my life's ambitions have been filled as a result of my work on the project. I can tolerate the hallucinations and the fear. I just want others to see this and to think.
I am leaving now, though I may be back from time to time. I am trying to move on with my life right now. I have a feeling the years ahead of me will be quiet, strange, and sad. This is one price I have to pay.
It was still worth it.